What are we Becoming?

We are always changing.  We are.  We are all becoming something.  Often times this is barely noticeable.  Small incremental tiny things that just sort of happen slowly.

Our brains prefer habits to choices.

Decisions are hard.  It’s why I keep threatening my wife that I am going to do the Zuckerburg-Jobs wardrobe method and buy about ten of the exact same outfit and throw everything else away.  Decisions wear us out over time.  We prefer to have habits.  And so we settle in on habits that feel comfortable.  But those habits that we settle into shape us.

Let me give you an example.  Just 20 years ago if you had received a handwritten letter in the mail or even one of those fancy new electronic mails saying that you were “utterly ridiculous” or “moronic” or being “unbelievably stupid,” it would have really stood out.  You may have thought the person writing it was mentally unstable.  You may have discounted it as the thoughts of one person.  You may have set it aside for something important to deal with.  But whatever your decision, it was a unique communication that needed to be dealt with in a special way.

This is no longer the case.

In the past several years we have changed.  You could argue that it started with a few media personalities who used some extremely passionate and anger filled verbage to convey their points.  But it has evolved to social media and comment threads that are so filled with hateful, angry speech uttered by people who just 30 years ago would never have dreamed of speaking to people the way we do today.

I am not saying I have never been guilty.  For the last couple years I have made a concerted effort to avoid comment threads.  I have turned my notifications off on my phone for many places that may discourage me.  I have even uninstalled specific apps, and I generally try to avoid places on the internet that are not a part of my responsibilities.  But I am not innocent of what I am talking about.  I am just trying to become less guilty.  I feel the need to admit this because I know that we are all a little bit hypocritical, and I want to acknowledge my own hypocrisy.

But the one place I do like to read comments is on local news.  I do this because I want to know what people in my community are thinking.

We have a phrase we use here.  Everybody uses it.  It’s “ND nice.”

That used to be a thing.  Children and grandchildren of pioneers who were forced to depend upon the generosity of their community to survive the harsh winters learned to be hospitable and kind to others.

And many times I have experienced “ND nice” directed toward me or my family.  People in this area tend to be nice to folks.  That’s a really good thing.

But in the local news comment threads, you don’t often see that.  I read comments on a recent news article that would make any North Dakotan blush to say them in person to another human being.  And it’s discouraging and depressing to see this.

I have a hard time engaging North Dakotans in an honest conversation about regular church attendance because we so value “ND nice,” and yet these same people have no problem calling their neighbors names on facebook.

I am not here to call anyone out.  I simply want to make a point.  And in the words of Parks and Rec’s Perd Hapley, “that point is this,” the things you do are shaping you. 

If you consume media where people are speaking in angry tones about the opposition, if you participate in conversations that disparage the very humanity of people you do not agree with, and if you using words and tones on social media that you would not use in real life situations then you are being changed.

Now if you aspire to be an angry and unhappy person who alienates people then please, continue.  You are being shaped according to what you desire to be.

But my guess is that most of us don’t actually want to be angry and unhappy.  My guess is that most of us want to be pleasant to be around.  We want to be generally happy, and we want to have a good life.

What do you want to be?  Do you want to be a person who lives well?  Start making choices that lead to that.  Do you want to relax more?  Disable some phone notifications you don’t need.  Do you want to be “ND nice?”  Then start actually being “ND nice.”  Do you want to be a person who follows Jesus?  Well, start following Jesus.

The things we do will always shape us.  These are rarely big decisions like throwing all your clothes away.  These are the small decisions we make everyday like what to comment on a facebook thread.  These small decisions are what really shape our personalities and the people we are becoming.

Think about what you put out into the world in the last week and ask yourself, “what I am becoming?”